The Greeks and Romans saw love as a mischievous figure who, either out of malice or in jest, got men and women to fall in love, often in crazy and ridiculous circumstances. In other words, love is crazy and illogical. It certainly can seem that way!
In fact, I’ve heard countless times what a mystery love is. I don’t intend to destroy anyone’s romantic notions of love, but…Actually, let me destroy a few of those notions. Love is a chemical reaction. And, when it comes to finding love, there is a biology of attraction to which humans can be slaves, whether they know it or not.
Yes, that’s right. I’ve outlined this primarily in my article attraction is not a choice. So, you can read more about the actual biology of attraction there. What I want to discuss here is the absolute refusal of some people to believe that there is a science behind love and attraction.
You can see this denial the most on social media. Whenever some study is published or some current event happens related to attraction (especially attraction that doesn’t meet someone’s idealistic notions), there is outrage because dammit, love is mysterious. Humans can’t be reduced to biology!
While I firmly believe that humans have a spiritual and mysterious side, love and attraction aren’t all that mysterious. Just like other animals almost always mate in a certain fashion, so do humans. There are outliers, but there are also incredible consistencies. Humans all have mating rituals, postures of attraction, hormonal changes, etc. These are all biological.
By saying that love is mysterious and denying that there is a biology of attraction, these naysayers are actually making the lives of others more miserable. While human love isn’t fully understood, convincing a man or woman that their love life is totally outside the realm of science also means it’s also totally outside the realm of fixing.
If we believe that nature is generally predictable (which scientists do), then love should be similar. If my electricity stops working in a room, I call an electrician. Using the known laws of nature and engineering techniques, he comes and fixes my problem.
He doesn’t tell me the electricity is mysterious and someday the electric might come back on if I wait for the right surge to come around or some other ridiculous excuse for why I don’t have electricity.
Love and attraction are grounded in science. It isn’t a mathematical formula where “you do x and you get a date.” But, there are methods that can help or hinder a guy from getting dates that are grounded in the sciences, especially chemistry, biology, brain science, and psychology. I know because I’ve studied them, successfully created tips based on them, applied them in my own life, and helped clients with them.
So, I hate to break it to the hopeless romantics, but there is a biology of attraction. And, it’s not a bad thing. Correctly used, it actually helps you find romance. Without it, you’ll likely just be hopelessly alone.