Sometimes making the close (getting a number, Facebook profile, etc) is the hardest part. When I was younger, I was decent at reading people (decent, not great). I was very funny and averagely charming. However, the close was very hard for me.
For confident guys the close is very easy. A guy wants to continue a discussion with someone (whether a romantic interest, or even someone who is a friend) and takes the risk to continue it. The insecure guy cannot get over that hump and therefore doesn’t say anything, but lives in regret later.
Sometimes the other person will close for you. With guy-to-guy friendships and networking opportunities, this is very common. Typically one of the guys will offer a number or say “you should add me on Facebook.” Girls will often not close, even if they really want to. Sometimes they will give hints, but it takes a very confident girl to outright ask for your number. Guys…SHE WON”T DO IT. Sorry for the shouting, but you have to learn it.
Closing is your responsibility. I always thought the girl would do it. Nope.
1. We Should Discuss This Further…
Hopefully, you have flirted and made good conversation. You have gotten her interest and differentiated yourself as a good romantic interest as opposed to being in the friend zone. Even if you are not 100% sure she views you as more than a friend, close anyway. You can set that frame later! Even if it doesn’t work out romantically, having female friends isn’t bad either.
One way to keep things going is point out that you want to discuss a topic further. This is a great psychological technique because it invokes the consistency principle. According to persuasion expert Robert Cialdini, in his important book Persuasion (get it!) once you get someone to do something small (such as discuss a topic), to be consistent, people will often agree to do things that require more commitment (like text you about the topic later).
I am married, so I didn’t “close,” but on my previous field report, I was joke-discussing “deep” questions like “why are red onions purple?” and “why do they call it ranch dressing if it isn’t made on a ranch?” A perfect close would have been to say “you know, I don’t often meet people I can discuss these deep things with, here’s my number. Text me.” Or, if I was feeling particularly bold, I would have asked for her number using the same line. Just of note, you can bring up the topic as a joke when you text her back, but don’t focus just on that. I highly doubt either of us cares about red onions that much! If you are discussing a real topic, make sure you follow the same advice. If you are talking about sports, Star Wars, or whatever, don’t overdo it on the follow up texts/conversations.
2. I Have To Go But…
Women (and men) value people that are excellent, which is to say, people that have things going for them. This is why celebrities are admired. Many clueless guys, once they start talking to a girl, won’t stop. Not only do they “overplay” their hand immediately, but they also leave zero mystery for later. There is no reason for a follow-up because a girl has already been bored to death by them.
This technique involves exiting the conversation early. It has two effects. It demonstrates you are excellent (see above), and it gets her into you and wanting more. First you have to get her into you. Using the techniques on this site and in our book will do that. Then, cut it off. Tell her you have to go, for a really excellent reason, like a business meeting (even if its your own small business meeting with your brother). Don’t lie though. Then, just say, “but I would really like to continue this conversation, do you have a number? I’d like to text you later.” Keep it flirtatious if it’s a girl, and it should work.
3. “You Know What You Should Do? Give Me Your Number”
Baseball players know that a great hitter only gets a hit around a third of the time. Even in the pros, many players bat much lower than that. Sometimes great hitters strike out, sometimes they get thrown out, and other times they walk or even get beaned. They step up to the plate knowing various things can happen – some much more successful than others.
When you close, you are always taking a risk. If you pick up that the interaction with someone is going well, then sometimes, just asking for the number is the right idea. Nothing says “super-confident” like just asking for a phone number without any bullshit.
Will you sometimes just get an acquaintance out of it? Yes. Will you sometimes be told “no?” Yes. You will find that most times you will get the number, and at the very least have another cool person to text occasionally. Other times, you will get much much more.
After being a popular guy for awhile, you won’t really care about the outcome of closing. This is called “detachment.” Closing will be so fun, that it will be like a major league player stepping up to the plate. In fact, you will enjoy figuring out how to close in different situations, just like a good hitter is going to adjust his strategy based on the type of pitch coming at him. When closing becomes fun and easy (which it will eventually), you’ll just start asking for numbers. Yeah, you’ll get some rejections, but your phone will be so full you might have to eventually upgrade to one with some more space.