A friend of mine is a bartender. She’s very attractive and you can imagine that, as a good looking woman in a bar full of drunk or nearly drunk men, she gets hit on a lot. The other day she was telling me that it happens about every 5 minutes on a busy night.
What shocked her the most was how many married guys came into the bar and hit on her. Just the other day, she told me, a local business owner came into her bar and, after getting drunk and sharing limericks, told her he loved her and wanted her number. He had a wedding band and even mentioned his wife to her. But, it didn’t matter.
She asked, confused, “Why are married men attracted to me?” She had no desire to break up any homes or date an attached man.
I had to chuckle a little that someone who was around guys at their most drunk and dirty still could keep such an innocent and sweet perspective on male intentions. This article is going to explore why married men are attracted to you and then try to get your number, have sex with you, or even date you.
As I explain this, remember something important: I’m explaining motivations and why this happens. I’m not saying it’s right or justified or appropriate. However, this is why some married guys are attracted to other women and hit on them.
Attraction Doesn’t Stop
Have you noticed how the ancient Greeks and Romans portrayed love? The god of love, Cupid (or Eros) is a mischievous figure who creates chaos by making people fall in love in utterly irrational ways. The ancients knew an important truth: love is irrational.
Love comes from the limbic regions of the brain. This area is responsible for the fight, flight, or freeze impulses. You don’t have to logically think about them; they just happen. So, if you’re an attractive woman, then guys feel that attraction whether they are single or married. It just happens.
However, just because they feel it doesn’t mean they have to act on it. But, if you’re attractive, realize that you’re not just going to attract single guys you like. You’re going to attract everybody. Of course, you’d expect married guys to not hit on you. But, the reality of marriage is a little more complicated.
People Don’t Always Marry For Love
We are conditioned to believe a few things about marriage. You meet someone you find attractive, you fall madly in love, you get married to that person, then you live happily ever after. It’s the storybook marriage straight out of Disney.
Let me tell you the truth. Many marriages happen because one or both parties is lonely. Or maybe it’s needing money, wanting kids, feeling pressure to “settle down” or any number of factors. But, attraction and love don’t play into it as much as you’d think. Don’t believe me?
A YouGov survey of married couples tells some uncomfortable truths: 73% of people married for love. Also, 48% of individuals felt they married their life’s partner. So, nearly 1/3 of people didn’t marry out of love and over half felt there is someone else (i.e. not their spouse) out there for them.
In other words: that married guy flirting with you might never have felt truly in love and considered his wife “settling” from the start. If he could get into a relationship with you, he might genuinely take it. So, he flirts and tries to see what you’ll do with him.
You might have an image in your head of marriage as wedded bliss straight out of a romantic comedy. A man and a woman are madly in love with each other and extremely passionate. Again, your image of married life might not always match reality.
Statistics on sexless marriages aren’t always easy to come by, but the expert estimates put the number at around 15-20% percent of all marriages. This doesn’t include the number of men and women not getting as much action as they’d ideally want. This means that there’s a good chance the guy hitting on you isn’t getting much of anything at home.
Again, don’t take this as a justification for his behavior. But, if you’re asking why are married men attracted to me, a lack of sexual fulfillment or even a lack of sexual activity at all with his wife might be the reason.
The Costs of Divorce
You might be asking, if people don’t marry for love or fell out of love and never get sex, a basic human desire, then why don’t they just get a divorce and move on? It’s because divorce can be very costly. And, many men might not be willing to make the move for that reason.
First, divorce is very expensive. The legal fees associated with it can be astronomical, especially if one spouse decides to fight it. And, if the guy is successful, he’s going to see a good chunk of his income go to his wife. Alimony and the dividing of assets could send half of all his hard work to his wife. Many men are reluctant to part with so many assets.
Second, if he has kids, the chances are divorce will drastically cut off his access to his children. He might go from seeing them everyday to doing so only every other weekend. And, it could be a bitter battle just to do that.
Third, he might be facing pressure to stay married due to religious, cultural, or familial values.
Finally, he might love his wife in some way, but also want a better, more passionate relationship. But, for whatever reason (fear of loneliness, etc.), he wants to have a fall back before he cuts the cord with his wife.
They’re Just Players
While I’ve given a few somewhat sympathetic reasons why married men might be attracted to you, for some men, there isn’t really a great explanation beyond a simple fact: they’re just players. That’s right: there are guys out there who just want to get laid.
These guys won’t be happy in any relationship and they probably don’t want to be with you in any capacity beyond sex. They’re attracted to you because they want something from you and if not you, it could be any other attractive women. Their vows of marriage mean nothing if they get in the way of their sex drive.
Why Married Men Are Attracted To You
Here is the bottom line: married men are attracted to you because you’re an attractive individual to them. And, for whatever reason, they aren’t satisfied in their current arrangement or they want to branch out from that arrangement.
Of course, knowing the reason doesn’t mean you have to humor them in any capacity. How you react is up to you. You might actually like one of them and want to see what happens. Most likely, you find their efforts repulsive and want them to just leave you alone!
But, being attractive to married men doesn’t make you abnormal. If you’re generally attractive, you’re going to draw all types to you, from the excellent single man to the married cheating scumbag.
So, if you’re getting a lot of attention from attached men, it pretty much makes you normal.