On a typical day, the start of my classes is chaotic. Kids are swarming my desk, peppering me with questions about assignments, future absences, and even just casual conversation. Sometimes there is seeming chaos enfolding all around me. One time I probably had seven kids gathered, all vying for my attention. One of the students saw how relaxed I was in the midst of this chaos (not to mention the rest of the class was probably talking), and that I was joking with the student I was talking to at that moment. She said “man, I don’t know how you do it! I would be going crazy!”
It made me feel really good to hear that. Some teachers would have screamed or “lost it.” I had been purposefully applying the popularity principles outlined in our book Be Popular Now for a few months at that point, and it was nice to see it was having the desired effect.
One sign of male confidence is unshakability. I think a good definition of “unshakable” is to be your best self in every circumstance.
One way you show this is to be your normal charming, confident, even-tempered, and relaxed self, even under pressure. All the popular guys in movies have this characteristic.
Being unshakable makes you popular with everyone (including women) for a variety of reasons. First, it shows confidence. Many guys can put on a veneer of confidence, but when things get tough, it cracks. If you stay charming and relaxed in even the most stressful situations, it shows genuine confidence. Second, people will love you for it. Stress amplifies in a system. If your boss is stressed, you become stressed, and the people working under you become stressed. Then, when all of these people go home, they stress out their family and friends. Literally, the stress of one person (the boss) can stress out hundreds of people. If you remain charming and relaxed, you send positive energy into a system, possibly making the day better for hundreds of people. If you do this, people will admire you. Third, it shows you are really in charge. Maybe you aren’t the boss, but if your boss breaks down when things get tough, and you remain unshakable no matter what, people will start to look to you as a leader, even if it doesn’t say that on a piece of paper at work (although if you keep it up, it could soon!).
If you have trouble remaining unshakable, just apply your thoughts and body language from calm moments to the stressful moments. You must learn to be aware of how you think and act when you are at your best. Your breathing is probably slow, your body language open, your speech firm and slow, and you are probably charming. If you are shaken, your breathing is fast, as is your speech, and your body language is closed and scared, and you are probably far angrier or stressed than you are charming.