Why Compliments Won’t Get You Dates

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It’s the standard dating advice for men, especially in books written by women: if you want to date a woman, then compliment her. After all, what woman doesn’t want to hear how beautiful and amazing she is?

Thus, complimenting her is assumed to be a sure way to win a woman’s heart and get her to fall in love with you. But, I’m going to explain why compliments won’t get you dates.

Let me start with a story. You have a ninety year old neighbor who thinks you’re the best young man since Beaver Cleaver. She constantly tells you how handsome you are and how someday you’ll make a young woman really happy. She is always complimenting you on your looks and your accomplishments. Would this make you want to date her?

I’m guessing your first thought is “no way” accompanied by a feeling of unease and creepiness. All the compliments in the world would not make a 20 or 30-something man attracted to a ninety year old woman.

The same is true of complimenting women. If a woman isn’t attracted to a guy on a basic level or he doesn’t create that attraction through his high value and confidence, then compliments aren’t going to create attraction. Just like with the ninety year old woman example, a woman isn’t going to violate her rules of attraction just because a guy tells her that she’s pretty.

If a woman isn’t attracted to a guy, then she will view his compliments in one of two ways. If he’s a decent, normal guy, she’ll appreciate the compliments and certainly take them. But, she won’t date him. This is where the friend zone comes in. He’ll buy her stuff, tell her she’s beautiful, and be there for her when she goes from bad boyfriend to bad boyfriend. But, he won’t date her. And, if he tries, she’ll be shocked because they were “just friends.”

Sometimes with weird guys or normal guys who go overboard, a woman will find the compliments creepy. This is similar to the ninety year old woman example. In this case, complimenting a woman won’t even get a guy friend zoned. It’ll get him tossed out of the bar or blocked on Facebook.

To recap, compliments won’t get a guy dates.  I had a friend in high school who vowed to date a girl by treating her like a queen for thirty days. He complimented her each day at school. He made her feel great and she liked him as a friend. But, she didn’t date him, not after thirty days, or ever. He wasn’t a very attractive guy and all those compliments didn’t change that.

The Beatles told us “can’t buy me love” and that remains very true. It’s impossible to bribe someone into attraction, even with compliments. It’s a good way to get friend zoned or look like a creep.

Tomorrow, though, I’m going to explain how to compliment women. Yes, there is an important place for compliments. It’s just not to get the ladies to be attracted to you.

About Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett is a writer, speaker, dating expert, and business owner. His articles have been viewed millions of times, and he has been featured in a variety of publications, including the Wall Street Journal.

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