When I was in high school, I tried to date a smart and friendly girl. She turned me down. And, told me I was just too nice for her! I’m not alone in this and almost any guy can give multiple examples of losing out to a jerk. Because of that, many good, decent guys have asked throughout history…
Why Do Women Like Jerks?
Women prefer bad boys for one simple reason: evolution. Liking jerks is wired into their brains. And, the younger they are, the more likely they are to prefer the reckless bad boy to the nice (but boring) science major with a promising career in engineering.
Evolution made the male of the human species larger and more dominant. While modern day technology has slightly changed this dynamic, brain wiring hasn’t quite caught up. Because of that brain wiring, women want a man who is a strong provider and protector. Independent women also want a man who has these traits, even if they don’t need protected or provided for. Remember, attraction isn’t even really a choice.
I would argue that most women (except maybe the psychologically troubled ones) don’t really want to date a true jerk, in the sense of an abusive, bad person who mistreats them.Ultimately, they want a confident, powerful guy who can take care of them (if needed) and stand up for them. What they don’t want is a guy who is weak, passive, and whiny. In essence, they want an alpha male and try to avoid the beta male. Most “nice guys” are essentially beta males.
When a woman can’t have a confident alpha because these men are somewhat rare, they look for the next best thing. And, which type of guy more closely resembles the confident alpha male: the passive beta or the cocky jerk? The answer is the jerk or bad boy.
The jerk often gives the appearance of being a confident protector and provider. Jerks are typically mouthy, somewhat abusive, and extremely cocky. They often get their way through intimidation and force. They show evidence to women that they can provide and protect, even if they really can’t. After all, most of the bad boys young women prefer have no real power. They’re all mouth.
But, that bluster and fake arrogance still goes a long way in winning over the ladies. The nice guy, on the other hand, is boring. He may kill fake enemies in video games, but that means nothing when women in his real world see him get walked all over. A steady job on the bottom rung of a company is admirable, but it doesn’t scream powerful. Showing up to work everyday on time and paying his bills is great for his community, but it isn’t exciting.
So, women like jerks because they mimic the confident alpha male leaders, the guys they are really attracted to. But, when there aren’t any of these guys available, their brain makes them attracted to the closest thing: a bad boy. It’s bad news for the nice guy, but he’s a very distant third.
The Confident Man
However, there is good news. You don’t have to be a jerk to get a woman. But, you do have to be confident and high value. Find success in something people value. Be confident (even a little cocky). Make women laugh. Develop an edge. Above all, be attractive. Attractive good guys beat attractive jerks any day. But, both are preferred to unattractive nice guys.
Still, be a good guy. Be an excellent guy. Be an awesome guy. But stop being the “nice guy” everyone walks all over! Women may like jerks, but they don’t like that!