Why Guys Lose The Dating Game

depressed man

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I’m a Cleveland Browns fan. I’m barely old enough to remember their successes in the 1980’s. Otherwise, I’ve seen them have losing season after losing season. From the front office and coaches to the players, they didn’t play hard and smart enough to win. So, they lost.

Many guys these days are like the Cleveland Browns, except it’s dating: they’re hopeless losers. And, I don’t mean they’re generally losers. Many of them are successful at work and in other ways. But, they’re losers when it comes to women. And, they might have no clue even why they fail. In this post, I explain why guys lose the dating game.

They Don’t Realize It’s A Game

In modern times, we’ve turned love and its pursuit into something dreamy and sweet. However, the pursuit of romance isn’t that at all, especially for guys. Like every animal’s reproduction, it’s hard nosed survival of the fittest. It’s why a few of the “players” get more women than they can handle, while the vast of majority of guys get little to no female attention.

Men who fail at the dating game typically don’t think it’s a challenge, or a game at all. They think true love will prevail if they just plow ahead. Meanwhile, they get hurt, bitter, and lonely. But, they still buy into the great myth that a fairy tale ending is waiting for those who…wait it out.

But, love isn’t some magical, divinely guided fairy tale. Humans have mating rituals, there are rules (see below) about what works and doesn’t, and people win and lose at it all the time. Yes, dating is a game. You can believe your fairy tale where love wins out in the end. But, if it wins, it’s because you won it, not because of mysterious dreamy force controlling your destiny.


They Cede The Victory To Women

Because most guys don’t see it as a game, they automatically cede the victory to women. I’m not saying women are automatically cutthroat about dating. But, women are choosier than men. It’s based on evolutionary biology. Men have a lot of sperm, but women have fewer viable eggs (a guy can literally father a child a day; a woman invests nine months into one child). Women, especially the high value ones, aren’t going to mate with anything that moves.

So, women are often more attuned to winning at the dating game. The hot ones are typically blunt about rejecting men. In some cases, hot women (and all women) can be downright cruel when rejecting guys, because they have a lot of male options.

Yet, guys just typically take it. They don’t put up a fight (metaphorically speaking) and just lie down, letting the woman humiliate them. They let the women dominate at the dating game. So, they lose.

They Don’t Know Winning Strategies

The major reason guys lose at dating is because they don’t know winning strategies. If a guy wants to be great at football or painting or anything, there are many resources to achieve that, from coaching, books, mentoring, etc.

However, there are few resources to help guys date. And, most of them are outright wrong (like advising guys to buy women stuff to appear more attractive). Imagine trying to be a better football player if you receive very little practical help and most of it is was wrong!

However, the rules of the dating game and how to master it are clearer than you think. We offer several books that explain the rules of the game and how to master them. These are tips that work and can finally get you the dates you’ve always wanted.

Many guys lose at the dating game. It’s time to start winning, and you can only do that if you at least start learning the rules.

About Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett is a writer, speaker, dating expert, and business owner. His articles have been viewed millions of times, and he has been featured in a variety of publications, including the Wall Street Journal.


  1. The comparisons to the Browns as a metaphor for the dating game could be a series of posts unto itself… the one that got away (Belichick), the girl you thought was all that and then you see her at your 10 year high school reunion and you wonder what you were thinking (Kosar), the guys that just never get it (all Browns fans, of which I am a huge one myself). You definitely nailed it with this post.. many painful truths that guys have to face. You have to go after love… none of those cliches (when you’re not looking, she / he will come, blah blah) really have any reality to them in my opinion.

  2. Men are choosier and plus women have plenty of eggs.

    • Most men would gladly date any of their female friends so long as they aren’t too overweight or too old. I don’t know of many women who are this open about it. Women typically rate the majority of men as undateable, whereas men are the opposite.

      Also, women may have lots and lots of eggs, but they only reasonably have a fairly narrow time-span to use those eggs. A man could literally get a new girl pregnant each day (and I think Wilt Chamberlain may have).

Leave a Reply