One of my guy friends from high school recently met a great girl through a family member. They dated for a few months and he was clearly developing feelings for her. A few weeks later, he told me they decided to take a break. He felt the relationship was moving too fast. He was falling in love and had to pull away. He couldn’t take it.
Many women reading this have had similar experiences with men in their lives. They date an attractive guy, they fall for him and are certain he’s feeling the same. They get closer and closer, then suddenly, he creates more distance. Over time, he becomes less emotionally connected, texts and sees them less, and the spark starts to fade.
Men can be difficult to understand and frustrating for sure. But, as a man, I’m going to give you some insight into the male mind. I’m going to explain why men pull away when they are falling in love. And, then I’ll tell you how you can handle each scenario.
Fear Of Commitment
People have varied histories. He might have watched his parents divorce at a young age. Or, maybe he had a terrible relationship that didn’t end well a few years back. As a result, even though he is falling in love with you, he is having very contradictory feelings.
On the one hand, he wants to love you and commit to you. But, on the other hand, all of his old memories are flooding back and he fears getting hurt or disappointed again. So, his fear of commitment makes him pull away in both uncertainty and confusion.
With guys like this, you just need to be patient. He might need more time and space before he’s ready to completely fall in love again. If you love him and you know he loves you, enjoy the present moments with him and let him take his time to be fully ready to commit. But, not all guys will be ready to commit and dating someone with a fear of commitment might never result in true love.
You’re Pressuring Him
Love is a great thing. It leads to all kinds of wonderful feelings. And, naturally, we want those feelings to last forever. As a result, men and women want to make sure that they won’t lose their partner. So, they put pressure on that person to “define the relationship” or quickly move to a greater level of commitment.
But, everyone moves at a different pace. And, if you try to rush someone’s timetable for committing, it could cause that person to pull away. If your boyfriend clearly loves you, but seems to be getting distant, are you pressuring him to do something he isn’t ready for? Women pressuring guys into commitment is common, but it doesn’t make it right.
As a guy, I can tell you that getting pressured into commitment can definitely kill a positive relationship vibe. Even though I was falling in love with the woman, I still pulled away. Many guys will be the same way when pressured.
So, you might love him and he might love you. Let it happen naturally and have open, honest conversations. But, don’t resort to guilt, pressure, demands, threats, or anything else. You don’t want a guy to commit for those reasons anyway. Give him time to fall in love and, if you’re meant to be, it will happen.
Wanting to Keep His Options Open
This isn’t the most positive answer, but it’s still true for many guys. Sometimes they are player types who develop feelings, but don’t want to act on them. So, yes, they are falling in love. But, they don’t want to go with those feelings because they’d prefer to keep their options open. Maybe they want to date around or perhaps their goal is just sex.
In many cases their feelings for you are genuine. They don’t want to truly fall in love because it would get in the way of their ultimate goal. So, they pull away to stop the feelings.
If you think your boyfriend is pulling away to date other women, then you have to decide if it’s worth your time to continue with him. While it’s possible he can fall more deeply in love and change, you might have to cut him loose and find someone else.
He Doesn’t Love You
If your boyfriend doesn’t seem as interested in you and pulls away, then it’s possible that you misread the signs and he’s not really falling in love.
Perhaps your feelings for him are so strong that you’re thinking he feels the same. Maybe he gives lip service to loving you, but doesn’t really feel that way. Perhaps, he’s just physically attracted to you, but doesn’t feel emotionally attached. Maybe he’s a jerk.
Just be aware that his pulling away doesn’t have to be out of love. He could be pulling away for a variety of reasons and it’s important for you to figure out the exact reason. The best way is to simply ask him.
Open up the lines of communication and figure out what he thinks about you and the relationship. Don’t pressure him or be overbearing. But, there’s nothing wrong with an honest conversation where you ask the guy you’re dating to explain why he’s being distant and where you stand with him.
An honest, upfront guy will at least give you a straight answer, even if it’s not what you truly want to hear.
So, if you find your boyfriend pulling away, these could be the explanation. Men can be hard to understand at times, but, with a little help you can get into the male mind and better understand why he things and acts the way he does.