We regularly promote traits such as confidence, extroversion and assertiveness, as well as being funny. Clearly, we promote being on the more outgoing side of things. However, there are times I may be in a group and not say much. People that know me in such settings will ask “but don’t you consult and write about confidence – why aren’t you saying more? It is so boring…speak up!”
Admittedly there are times I am either tired or possibly even purposefully reserved. Sometimes I do just want to blend in during an encounter if I have had a busy day, just worked out, or I can get quiet if I just don’t really want to be somewhere.
Talking too much can be a sign of nervousness and social cluelessness, which actually show that you are not confident and attractive. For example, nobody likes the “new guy” at work who comes in and immediately talks the whole lunch break. Nobody likes the guy at a meeting who keeps the thing going 20 minutes longer than necessary. Nobody likes the guy who totally dominates a conversation so that nobody else can say a word.
So as you can see, there are also times when you really should be quiet. This is why you should master the art of quiet confidence, being confident even when you cannot or should not express yourself verbally.
Quiet confidence basically consists of two things: confident body language and being relaxed. Let me further elaborate on these.
Confident Body Language
It is beyond the scope of this article to totally explain confident body language. For a brief primer, check out our book Be Popular Now, which has explanations and some photos. Confidently “holding your space” is a part
Part of having confident body language, but worth mentioning separately, is being relaxed. Being relaxed is associated with overall increased attractiveness. Being relaxed is important because it shows confidence. For an example, let’s look at mafia movies. Mafia leaders are often quiet older guys, who just exude confidence. They don’t get worked up. Their nervous underlings get worked up, but not the boss. They don’t have to say a word for you to know they are in charge.
While I am not saying you should look like a mafia boss, I am saying that how you hold yourself during quiet moments is important. Since it is important to have moments when you dont’ talk, you always want to appear relaxed and confident. You will look even more attractive if everyone around you is stressed and in a panic.