I was reading an article last week that made me both shake my head and laugh. It has since been taken down (perhaps the guy who wrote it wised up), but the gist of this anonymous “open letter” to women (yeah, real manly) is “Dear Women of the world: I hate you so much and here’s why…But, I’m so nice. Why won’t you love me?”
I’ve talked before about the “nice guy” mentality. It’s how many guys think being nice entitles them to a woman and that when those women reject them they get all upset and angry (and not so nice). However, this open letter (unintentionally) gets to the bottom of a very serious problem in dating. Lots of guys simply don’t like women.
Sure, they find women attractive and want to date them. Yes, they want a relationship. However, they want it on their terms, which usually means they want a woman to act like a man while looking and having sex like a woman (with them, of course).
But, fundamentally, many of these men, while ironically claiming to be “nice guys,” hate women. Sure they protest that they want to be gentlemen and do a bunch of romantic things for females. But, deep down they resent women because women don’t conform to their expectations.
That is ultimately one of the biggest problems many so-called nice guys have with in dating. They don’t accept that women think and act differently than their own expectations. So, they put on a great show of their own chivalry and greatness and when that fails to land them a date (or, more accurately, sex), they seethe with anger.
But, fundamentally hating women in this way is a very flawed and ineffective dating strategy. Do women like edgier guys and bad boys? Yes. Do they sometimes like outright jerks? Yes. But, these edgy bad boys and even borderline jerks at least fundamentally love women (even if they do use them or mistreat them). And, in most cases they’re at least upfront or fairly transparent about their intentions.
However, a “nice guy” who kisses up with a facade of loving women to cover his deep dislike of women (at least as they are on their own terms) is a fake that the vast majority of women instantly see through. He’s a jerk, but not even an exciting and attractive one.
So, you can’t hate women (deep down) and get them to love you. Can women be annoying, grating, and infuriating? Yes. So can men. And, getting rejected sucks and can lead to resentment if unchecked. Still, feelings of hatred and resentment can’t be nurtured. They have to be stopped.
Interacting with other people requires honesty and realism about flaws and drawbacks. But, it also requires a fundamental and gracious acceptance of a person, at least in general terms. If a person’s very gender evokes hatred and resentment (and this applies to “man hating” women as well), you might as well hang up any chance at love.