A couple of years ago, I came across an anonymous article, since taken down (perhaps the guy who wrote it wised up), that was an “open letter” to all women. The gist of the letter was: “Dear Women of the world: I hate you so much and here’s why you’re so terrible…But, I’m so nice. Why won’t you love me?”
I’ve talked before about nice guy syndrome. It’s the mindset that simply being “nice” entitles guys to a woman and that when those women reject them they get all upset and angry (and not so nice). However, this open letter (unintentionally) gets to the bottom of a very serious problem in dating. Lots of guys simply don’t like women.
Now is a good time to take our entertaining and totally and utterly non-scientific “How Much of A “Nice Guy” Are You?” Quiz!
Sure, these guys find women attractive and want to date them. Yes, they want a relationship. But, fundamentally, many of these men, while ironically claiming to be “nice guys,” hate women. They protest that they are gentlemen with pure intentions who want to do a bunch of romantic things for “females.” But, deep down, they resent women because women don’t conform to their expectations or bend to their wills.
And, instead of looking inward and becoming more attractive, they rage against women, usually on social media.
That is ultimately one of the biggest problems many so-called nice guys have in dating. They don’t accept that women think and act differently than their own expectations. So, they put on a great show of their own chivalry and greatness and when that fails to land them a date (or, more accurately, sex), they seethe with rage.
But, fundamentally hating women in this way is a very flawed and ineffective dating strategy. Do women like edgier guys and bad boys? Yes. Do they sometimes like outright jerks? Yes. But, these edgy bad boys and even borderline jerks at least fundamentally love women (even if they do use them or mistreat them). And, in most cases they’re at least upfront or fairly transparent about their intentions. Plus, these guys are actually (gasp!) attractive.
However, a “nice guy” who kisses up with a facade of loving women to cover his deep dislike of women (at least as they are on their own terms) is a fake that the vast majority of women instantly see through. He’s a jerk, but not even an exciting and attractive one. But, by claiming to be a perfect gentleman with only pure intentions, he’s also a liar.
So, you can’t hate women (deep down) and get them to love you. Can women be annoying, grating, and infuriating? Yes. So can men. And, getting rejected sucks and can lead to resentment if unchecked. Still, feelings of hatred and resentment can’t be nurtured. They have to be stopped. Women can tell when a guy is angry and bitter towards them, even if his words say he’s a nice gentleman who treats them like queens.
Interacting with other people requires honesty and realism about flaws and drawbacks. But, it also requires a fundamental and gracious acceptance of a person, at least in general terms. If a person’s very gender evokes hatred and resentment (and this applies to “man hating” women as well), you might as well hang up any chance at love.